I must be the last person on the planet to have heard of the website Reasons My Son is Crying, but like all the most successful things (5m viewers in its first month!) it’s an incredibly simple idea. Take a photo of your crying child and give the – usually in(s)ane – cause for the distress.
I could SO have done that. I would be awash with examples. In fact the internet would have to expand, like a black hole, to accommodate them all. This has been particularly so over the past few days; I don’t know whether it’s the sudden onset of winter weather, or she’s at the end of her ridiculously-long-half-term tether (join the club, sweetheart), or some sort of bitch-face hormones are on the rampage, but whatever it is, it ain’t pretty. Anything and everything triggers a meltdown of catastrophic proportions. Here is a random selection:
- She DIDN’T WANT HER TOAST CUT
- She DIDN’T WANT CEREAL (even tho’ she specifically asked for it)
- It STINKS (not sure what “it” is, however it must have been very stinky indeed, because it triggered a 15-minute hissy fit)
- The baby was looking at her
- Her crayon wasn’t RED
- The puddle was too wet
- I’m breathing funny
- The pillow is “very NOT UNCOMFORTABLE”
- She doesn’t WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL (she is very much in the minority there)
- The Boy is humming too loudly
- I made the “momo-let” IN THE PAN
I don’t really have a recipe – just some guidance. It’s ridiculously easy, but if you need precision, head to Smitten Kitchen.
Basically, you need eggs, cheese, and whatever’s lurking in your fridge / vegetable box. (The picture above is of potato, cauliflower, cheddar and spinach.) You don’t need a recipe or to go and specifically buy ingredients - just use whatever you have lying around. Onions are optional, but give a nice savoury depth; and cooking the vegetables off in stock before adding the eggs turns it all from blah-eggs to something definitely worth crying (with joy) about.
Here’s what you do:
Fry up some chopped onions (or not, depending on your taste) in a grill-proof pan.
Boil the kettle and make a pint or so of stock.
Break at least 6 (to serve 4) or up to 10 (to serve 6 – 8) eggs into a bowl, mix, then grate a large lump of strong cheese directly into it. (Or you can add lumps of softer cheese, such as goats cheese, or comte)
Add the peeled (or not) and diced root vegetable to the onions (enough to fill the pan), turn to cover in the oil (or just add them directly to hot oil if not using onions) and add enough stock to almost cover them.
Turn the heat up, and leave to bubble away for about 10 minutes, stirring every now and again to prevent it from sticking.
Add any green vegetables – broccoli / peas / courgettes – after 5 mins, with an extra splash of stock if needed. (Don’t use too much stock or the vegetables will be mushy. If they’re still resolutely hard after 10 minutes, turn the heat down, add a splash of oil, cover and leave to fry / steam for 5 minutes.)
Once the stock has boiled off and the vegetables are all just-tender, add the egg-cheese mix, and stir gently so that the eggs and vegetables are mixed, then LEAVE IT ALONE or you’ll have fancy scrambled eggs. Cover and leave for a few minutes.
Turn the grill on high.
Check the eggs - they should be almost set; sprinkle some cheese – grated parmesan, grated cheddar, slices of goats, whatever – on top, then chuck under the grill until brown and bubbly.
Serve warm, hot or cold. To nice children, or screaming crying ones. Or just gobble up yourself, while wearing ear-plugs.
(Suggested ingredient combos:
Sweet potato + feta + spinach
Potato + cauliflower + strong cheddar
Beetroot + goats cheese + rocket
Peas + mint (add to the beaten eggs) + asparagus + new potatoes)