The Boy is currently full of love. I brought the Girl away for a few days last week, just the two of us (easy, bliss, almost fun), and since we’ve been back he LOVES everything. But mainly, he loves me. “I LOVE YOU MUMMY”, several times a day. It’s quite disconcerting actually - I brace myself for a thump and instead get a great big wet kiss, smack on the lips. Unfortunately for the Boy this doesn’t always result in an act of reciprocity; big wet kisses are one of the casualties of my pregnancy, making my stomach turn (possibly a Darwinian-esque act of self preservation, to prevent self getting knocked up AGAIN). He doesn’t seem to notice, or care however. Off he goes, throwing his love at all and sundry. (I LOVE YOU STRAWBERRIES! AND I LOVE YOU LADYBIRD! And Mr Ant! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I AM GOING TO SQUISH YOU DEAD.)
The Girl is oblivious to – and largely, un-receiving of – most of this. For her part, she is now as full of words as he is of love. To the untrained ear, it’s mainly babble. So to prevent confusion, on the off-chance that you happen upon her, here’s an easy-to-use Girl-Speak / English mini dictionary of her most common words:
Dack? Please may I have a snack, Mummy dearest?
DACK! I said I WANT A SNACK. NOW.
Dallo? Daddy please can you move your head so I can take your pillow? Thanks.
DALLO! Move your fucking head
Dip? I’ve been awake for a few minutes, so I think it’s time for hummus
Dicks! And breadsticks
Dollo? Has anyone seen Dolly?
Dollo! Why! There you are, you mangy filthy scrap of Chinese plastic. Imagine being where I left you five minutes ago. I’ve missed you soooooooooo much.
Doos? Please can you either put my shoes on or take them off (depending on circumstances).
DOOS! There is something in my shoe, possibly an errand sock, causing me discomfort. You moron.
DOP: Stop it. Now.
DUCK! HELP! I’m STUUUUUUUUUCK
EAT! See this? It’s my mouth. Put something in it.
Lolo? I rather fancy some yoghurt. Not the stuff with bits in it. (cf also “Yuck”)
Lolo! Hey! Look how cool it is when the yoghurt flies through the air like that!
Poo Poo? Something is happening in my bottom region. I’m not entirely sure what. It could go either way
POO POO! Hehehe! I’ve got something fo-or youuuuuuuuuuuu...
Potty! I’d quite like to circle this plastic bucket thing for a few hours, while simultaneously pissing repeatedly all over the floor. If that’s ok?
Woof Woof! Look! It’s a dog! On a string! Oh pleasepleasepleaseplease can I put my hand in its mouth? What do you mean Don’t Pull Its Tail? OW-OW-OW
Y-eye-yon: Oh Lion, small stuffed yellow thing smelling slightly of vomit and crusted with snot, how much do I love thee, oh apple of my eye? Let me hold you tight and NEVERLETYOUGO. You are the only one who understands me. Fancy sticking your nose in my bottom?
YUCK: Not for me, thanks.
YURGHARGHJA! You think you can bitch-slap me around with your big boy hands, do you? How about a hair-pull... Oh yeah? You’re not so tough now, are you, with your stupid kisses and your FULLOFLOVE. I’ll show you love, MUMMYSBOY
I, for the record, as well as being full of child, am full of salads. The sun is shining! (For non-Englanders, this is really quite a massive turn of events). I need something crispy and fresh to offset the endless ways I’ve been serving chocolate...
Here’s my current favourite, courtesy of Mr Veg himself, Hugh Fearnley-W. It sounds a bit dull and coleslawy, but actually it’s fabulous. Easy, quick and delicious. Make twice as much as you think you’ll eat. Goes well with sunshine, hummus and flatbread. And a teeny cheeky glass of rose.
Grated Carrots with Peanuts and Cumin. Oh, and Orange.
You need (for 2, very generously)
- Large handful of nuts (HFW uses cashews, I’ve used peanuts. I think anything nutty will work)
- Tablespoon of cumin seeds
- 2 large carrots
- 1 orange
- Dash each of wine / cider vinegar, and olive oil
- Handful of coriander (optional).
In a dry frying pan, toast the nuts for a couple of minutes; just before they start to brown add the cumin seeds, stir a bit, and leave for another minute.
Grate the carrots into the salad bowl (HFW has you cutting them into sticks; I think grating is easier to do, and easier to eat)
Zest the orange over the bowl, then peel it – again over the bowl – and slice / cut into chunks. Add to the carrots.
Throw in the nuts and cumin, and the coriander (if using - which I recommend) and stir well.
Add as much olive oil and vinegar as you like, to taste. Salt and pepper if you want. A dash of OJ if you have some lurking in the fridge. Mix well, gobble up, then pick-pick-pick at the leftovers.
Et voila. A salad guaranteed to fill you with love.